People are putting a lot of things on the back burner until the economy turns around. A good number of people are finding ways to make do with what they have instead of getting something new. Fewer people are eating out and more people are shopping with coupons. However, there is one area where people should not skimp during these difficult economic times and that is in their relationships.
Who is not trying to save a few bucks these days? It’s a good thing to do but it does not mean people should skimp on their relationships with family and friends. After all one day this economic situation will pass, but for some the question is will friends and family be with me on the other side of this recession.
In these days of networking and connecting online, many relationships are suffering during this economic decline. Friends are dumping friends, relatives are becoming more distant and many couples are finding communications are strained. In many households there may be at least one person who has experienced a salary cut or job loss. And as high unemployment numbers persist many people are finding themselves moving from the category of unfortunate victim of the economy to person to be avoided.
While most people want to be supportive the strain may be showing in some relationships. For many who are still working hearing about job loss from a friend or family member can stir uncomfortable feelings. These include feelings of pity, uncertainty, fear and sometimes feelings of guilt for being relieved that the recession has not financially affected them. To avoid these feelings some people opt to distance themselves from their less fortunate friends and family members. Many couples have separated from or contemplated tossing their unemployed mate out of the life raft.
Losing a job or experiencing a significant pay-cut can be a very painful way to find out who is with you for the long-haul and who are your “fair” weather friends. It can reveal where blood is thinner than water and demonstrate where that spouse or family member with the bossy take charge attitude seems to come-up short in the area of empathy.
No matter which side of the coin you’re on if you are a person who values your relationships there are a few things that you can do to maintain your relationships. For individuals suffering financial loss it may mean holding back some information from friends who are not in a situation where they can offer any form of assistance or offer suggestions. Face the fact, some people are not good listeners or problem solvers. So do not discuss what is going on at the job or during your job search with them.
If you need to vent save that for friends and family members who are willing to listen and able to offer support and encouragement. If you’re on the other side of the coin with a friend or family member who is experiencing difficulties and you value the relationship the best thing that you can do is to learn to listen. The worse thing that you can do is make yourself scarce. Believe me they will notice that you're missing.
As for a spouse remember why you fell in love in the first place. If your spouse is telling you that they are looking for work, trust that they are doing everything possible to find a job. If you have some suggestions make sure that they sound like suggestions and not accusations. Be willing to try to understand the situation and make sure your responses and suggestions don’t sound judgmental.
Even when things are going well financially, most couples don’t agree on everything. However, when there is a disagreement and a spouse is unemployed, don’t remind the person of how long they have been out-of-work. They already know how long its been. Also, try not to be too hard on them about not doing housework during the day. It may appear that there is enough time in the day for them to search for work and do chores, but the truth is it takes a full day to search for work. If they are taking time from the search in order to cook, clean, run errors and pick-up kids there is a good chance that the search will last longer.
When a spouse wants to change jobs but can’t due to the economy and they start to vent about work conditions or salary cuts, try to be supportive. Remember, these days it’s best to discuss these matters at home than to vent with co-workers. It is also healthy for them to vent every now-and-then to relieve stress and to have their feelings validated by another person.
If you are the person experiencing employment issues, remember that unless your spouse has been unemployed during this particular recession they have no idea of what your days are like. Talk with them about your efforts to find a job, but do not expect complete understanding. This is the first time in history that the country is going through a major economic recession and the Internet is the primary tool for conducting a job search. Only those who are currently conducting a job search or those who have successfully completed a search within the past year will understand how you spend your days.
So when speaking with your spouse, friends, or other family members about your job search skip the small details and focus on measurable results such as inquiries from companies, interviews, networking opportunities, meetings with employment agencies, and applications completed. These are things that anyone who has ever looked for work can wrap their arms around and understand.
Times of economic uncertainty are trying, but by being sensitive to others no matter their circumstances and by managing your relationships you should be able to make it through this period with your family and friendships intact.
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